Photo by Becca Tapert on Unsplash
A few months ago, my best friend called me. I could already hear her anger even before she spoke. She told me how disappointed she was in her new company.
My face fell. When she decided to join them, she had taken a risk by pivoting her career. There was no going back now.
“I’m just so tired of hustling,” she said.
“Hustling” was what we called it. Being women, we were automatic minorities in our professional services careers. We were surrounded by men and privileged white men at that. We often had to hustle to be seen, and we were rarely promoted. We were now two+ decades into our careers and we were still facing these issues.
My friend brought decades of senior management experience from large firms to the table, had righted a troublesome project for a Fortune 50 customer, and demonstrated leadership in a challenging situation. Yet, she was passed over for promotion and that’s why she was calling me. It wasn’t the first time this happened to her.
“I know,” I said. “I don’t want to do it anymore, either.”
We both sat in silence, crying on the inside.
When I was in college, I had no idea what I was going to be when I grew up. I had ruled out being a doctor, lawyer, and writer. Since I was good at math and liked computers, I fell into a computer degree. But I wasn’t passionate about it, so I didn’t take my studies seriously. Although I was an honor roll student in high school with straight A’s and graduated in the top 20 of my class, I slacked in college. I graduated with a C average.
A lot of my university friends studied the same computer field for the primary purpose of making money. If you were top of your class you could get an entry-level job at a top consulting firm and make six figures by the age of 30.
Since I fell into my degree, I was behind. I had to work to find my first job. The top firms looked at my GPA and immediately threw away my resume.
I was fortunate when a small firm working with a software product I had never heard of decided to take a chance on me. This firm ended up hiring a handful of doe-eyed women straight from universities all over the country, and we started our job with a one-month boot camp training program.
The first mentor we had was a woman. Looking back, we were lucky to have her. She was intelligent and had decades of rounded experience. She was one of about a dozen women at that company (roughly 10%), which was a lot for our type of professional services firm at the time. There was even a C-level employee who was female.
I didn’t realize how good we had it that first month until years later.
One of the first things our mentor told us was that we were “corporate prostitutes.” We gasped at that type of language in a professional setting. Then we laughed. I asked what she meant.
“You were hired to be pimped out to companies for an hourly fee. Don’t forget that.”
Not until many years later did I wonder if any male candidates were told that same exact thing.
We worked hard that first month. We had to shove books of information into our brains and execute that learning onto the software. It was fun. We partied in the city on the weeknights since the schedule wasn’t strenuous.
We didn’t know what was ahead of us as women in this field.
Many times I was the lone woman on a project. Sometimes I felt singled out and intentionally not included when the men would eat at adult-themed restaurants like Hooters or Tilted Kilt, or party late at strip clubs. They knew the women would say no when asked if we wanted to join them. Sometimes I bore witness to this lack of inclusion happening to other women. Many of us cried.
Human Resources wasn’t a formal department in smaller professional services firms like ours. When we complained to the designated person for this role, who was usually a woman, we’d be listened to. It sounded like our grievances were taken seriously. But often, nothing happened once that information was passed onto male upper management.
One time something did happen. The men on a project were going to secret lunches that the women were intentionally not invited to. One of us found out and told the rest, outraged. So one of us complained. The women on that project were interviewed individually and when it was decided that the grievance had merit, the men were “talked to” about their behavior. The men paid us back by blaming all of us and then ostracizing us for the remainder of that project.
Neglect was also a serious issue. Early on in my career, one of my promotions was skipped because my manager forgot to submit the paperwork. He even admitted to it. It’s hard to say if this had anything to do with gender, but I don’t recall my male peers in his group having any issues. I asked to change managers and then flourished under the new mentorship.
I’ve also witnessed the anguish of female co-workers who found out that they were being paid less than male peers or passed over for raises that went to their male counterparts. One of my friends who was passed over for a promotion was told that her male peer would “bring more credibility” to the role, although she had many more years of experience and got better ratings.
Women in my generation and before were brought up to believe that we shouldn’t speak up for ourselves nor others, should be overly nice (even if it means sacrificing ourselves), and shouldn’t rock the boat. It’s still a challenge for me to overcome my core upbringing at times, but I’ve learned to fight for myself, stand up for myself, and speak with more confidence to compete with men. Things have gotten better in the past decade and I have more hope now than ever for future generations of women, but this industry still has a long way to go.
Fast-forward my career multiple decades and multiple companies later and I’ve achieved all of my career goals. My career bucket list is complete as of this summer. I am proud of what I’ve accomplished.
But I didn’t get there smoothly.
It’s tough being a woman in technology. It’s tough being a person of color in technology. It’s tough being anything but a heterosexual, white male in technology.
This year the World Economic Forum¹ published the 2021 Global Gender Gap Report². “As the impact of the COVID-19 pandemic continues to be felt, closing the global gender gap has increased by a generation from 99.5 years to 135.6 years.”
We just lost a generation.
In addition, “there is a persistent lack of women in leadership positions, with women representing just 27% of all manager positions.” And once you add in intersectionality with race and sexual orientation, those statistics become even more dismal.
I still see women struggling today. I still hear the same stories that I’ve lived through myself as if decades of time haven’t passed between our generations. The #metoo movement helped narrow that gender equality gap, and I do see change happening in the workplace. But it’s not enough.
We need more male allies.
We need more mentorship.
We need more change.
The most important work in my career is the work I don’t get paid for. I formally mentor others in my career, and I specifically select people who feel marginalized due to race, sexual orientation, and/or sex. Most of my mentees have been women, but I also mentor men. The experience of helping others navigate this career is priceless.
One of my past mentees reached out to me a few years ago. I could hear the smile in her voice. I had helped her think through a career pivot and a divorce. She was finally getting paid what she felt she was worth, and she was feeling like her path in life was now hers to control.
The woman I am today is not the same woman that I was when I started this career journey. I’ve shed a good portion of my core programming.
Today, I try not to let others get me down.
Today, I fight for what I believe in.
Today, I lead by example.
I’m outspoken about inequality, diversity, and women in technology. If I can do it, so can others. If I’m out there, the next generation of women will see it and know that women technologists are important.
I’ll keep fighting the good fight.
Resources
World Economic Forum: https://www.weforum.org
World Economic Forum’s Global Gender Gap Report 2021: https://www.weforum.org/reports/ab6795a1-960c-42b2-b3d5-587eccda6023